Judging and Badness

Judging is simply the skill of noticing differences.

Judging people as bad is a problem, not because we judge, but because we believe in badness.

Children on the front lines

We often send our inner child to the front lines to do our battles for us. Someone says or does something we don’t like, and our inner child gets angry, and starts to fight back. We say or do things we will regret, and we accomplish little beyond hurting ourselves and others, when what we really wanted was love.

Children don’t belong on the front lines. They are vulnerable and ignorant of how to fight in battle. They easily are overcome by emotion, and they do not know how to make wise decisions. This is why we have an inner adult - the part of us designed to deal with this world, who knows how to do things like battle and strategic planning. Children need to be kept insulated from battle.

Thus, in the heat of argument, place your inner child with his emotions, sensitivities, vulnerability in a safe place, then bring out your battle gear, which is all the wisdom you have accumulated as an adult: what you want to accomplish in the battle, what you wish to avoid, what the consequences of your actions are likely to be, what your values are - and face the world with wisdom, strength, grace, and compassion.

This is our job as adults. When we enter any relationship, intimate or casual, part of the job description is handling the emotional energies that come up between us. Expect it, plan on it, sharpen your skills so that you are prepared for it, and when it comes, handle it with all the expertise of a professional. Remember the ultimate goal is love, as much as possible, because it is love that will bring you the most satisfaction. And remember that the most precious part of you is not meant to fight in battle, but to play in the sun.