We often send our inner child to the front lines to do our battles for us. Someone says or does something we don’t like, and our inner child gets angry, and starts to fight back. We say or do things we will regret, and we accomplish little beyond hurting ourselves and others, when what we really wanted was love.
Children don’t belong on the front lines. They are vulnerable and ignorant of how to fight in battle. They easily are overcome by emotion, and they do not know how to make wise decisions. This is why we have an inner adult - the part of us designed to deal with this world, who knows how to do things like battle and strategic planning. Children need to be kept insulated from battle.
Thus, in the heat of argument, place your inner child with his emotions, sensitivities, vulnerability in a safe place, then bring out your battle gear, which is all the wisdom you have accumulated as an adult: what you want to accomplish in the battle, what you wish to avoid, what the consequences of your actions are likely to be, what your values are - and face the world with wisdom, strength, grace, and compassion.
This is our job as adults. When we enter any relationship, intimate or casual, part of the job description is handling the emotional energies that come up between us. Expect it, plan on it, sharpen your skills so that you are prepared for it, and when it comes, handle it with all the expertise of a professional. Remember the ultimate goal is love, as much as possible, because it is love that will bring you the most satisfaction. And remember that the most precious part of you is not meant to fight in battle, but to play in the sun.
The image this one provokes is vivid for me! I want to argue for my brave, outspoken inner child - for her ability to yell loudly and blatantly that she is feeling something very strongly.
ReplyDeleteAt the same time your words of wisdom remind my adult of two things: that child is pure and does not need to be injured for being outspoken.
And the adult in me will probably not be heard by the other person if she speaks thru that injured child - but will probably be heard more clearly if she uses her adult to recognize BOTH children - her own and the one to whom her child is probably speaking.
As this blog has pointed out "we" - a lot of people in a discussion often send children -- my goodness - are we still fighting for our moral purposes in the crusades? do we still believe that our way is the only right way?