So Obvious

From the outside looking in, it is so obvious to me what you should do to change your life. I can see it clearly. It doesn't look hard. I get annoyed because you seem to be resisting.

Yet, I come home, and ignore once again the pile of unanswered mail, unpaid bills, undone laundry. So simple. Just open the envelopes, write a check, put soap in the washer. Yet, for some reason, for me, the thought of these simple acts fills me with terror, and night after night, I choose instead to snuggle up to my computer and the comfort of killing aliens.

Faced with my own helplessness over something so simple and so absurd, I feel ashamed. I feel ashamed to the same degree that I feel superior judging you when you can't get past a block. The shame stops me from reaching out, from admitting to you that I have a weakness. The shame stops me from discovering my commonality with you, and keeps me believing that I am somehow different, separate, not really a part of the universe, not really part of the grand scheme of things.

If I tell you I am weak, you might tell me you aren't, and I would feel lost. The unity of life fades, and the illusion of separation grows, each hiding our own precious shame, fearful lest someone discover we too are human.

It is sometimes difficult to love ourselves. That's why there are other people.