Do we have the right to not be abused? Seems like a silly question. Of course - no one should be abused. It's wrong, and it shouldn't happen. Plain and simple.
However, there's a problem with this, especially for past abuse. It already happened. There is no should or shoudn't about it. It happened.
What does a right mean? Legally, rights don't stop anyone from violating us - rights merely give us the ability to sue and gain some recompense for our pain. In short, for some acts, we have a legal right to get even. Yes, funds recovered may go towards repaying losses, etc., but mostly, it satisfies our sense of justice, and also deters it from happening to others, because there is a consequence.
But when we are simply talking about human interaction, where someone is not kind to another, or acts selfishly, or says something cruel, what then? What does the concept of having a right buy us, when there is no legal recourse? We certainly have the right to take action to avoid further abuse. We have a right and an obligation to protect ourselves and those we love, even if the abuse is merely perceived or just a possibility. But when something has already happened, what then? What does our "right" buy us? Do we have the right to a life free from pain and all unhappiness? Who do we sue when we stub our toe on a rock, or get sick, or simply don't like life the way it is at the moment?
I find I often take offense at small things that others say and do, from the driver on the road cutting me off, to a friend who doesn't show as much kindness as I think they should. I am offended because I believe somehow that I have a right to be spared those annoyances, that I don't deserve it, that it should be different, that people should act differently. What effect does my belief in rights, shoulds and shouldn'ts get me? I get to feel like the righteous victim, the insulted one, the one who has justified anger, the one who wouldn't be as mean as the other guy. It gives me the ability to separate myself from the offender and create a world where I am good and he is bad.
To think of dropping my war cry against past abuses in my life seems immoral to me. And yet, what do I gain by living in resentment? I know full well that most of what I am angry at are acts done in innocence or ignorance. Yes, I've been hurt. Do I want to add to that the illusion that that they plotted evily against me?
What if we just dropped all past claims to being right, protected, loved, defended? What if we dropped our cases against people who made us feel violated? Then the past simply becomes our life, our story, our path, what happened to us. We no longer have a special corner in the hall of victimhood - we have simply suffered pain just like everyone else. We would be left with dealing with what life has given us - of finding some answer to the question why, of making some sense out of it, and incorporating it into our life experience.
What if there is really no one to blame? What if bad things just happen? What would life be like if we let go of our anger, our resentment, and accepted the life handed us, no matter how little we understand why?
What do you think?
