You can want; I can say no

Often in relationships, I find someone else's desire for me to do something different, an uncomfortable experience. My tendency is to want them to stop desiring what they want, or to stop expressing their desire. The result of that is that they have to tiptoe around, acting as if they don't want it, contrary to their true self. To ask them not to ask is to repeat the same sin.

My discomfort comes from my ambiguity of wanting to please them, and wanting to take care of myself and my needs. I'd rather not have the problem in my face than resolve the ambiguity.

But this is no way to live. Having feelings one cannot express always causes distance and destroys intimacy. My job is to learn to deal with my ambiguity. I need to face the possibility of disappointing another human being by fully hearing and acknowledging their longing while saying I am choosing not to fulfill it.

By allowing them to deal with my decision, the responsibility for the desire is placed back on the person desiring it, rather than me taking responsibility for making another person happy.