When to give in

I have several friends into the Law of Attraction and other philosophies that encourage me to not give in to perceived limitations.  Some of my friends insist, "you can do anything if you believe in yourself", and they refuse to put any qualifications on that statement.

My father loved to ride trains.  He did it as a hobby, following train routes, going places he had not been before, loving the feel and touch of the engine and rails.  As he grew older, he became more and more disabled, and less and less able to pursue his passion.  However, he always talked about his next trip and how good it would be.  Eventually he was unable to walk, confined to bed, and did not have that long to live.  He went farther into fantasy, and would talk about heading to New York tomorrow to catch a train to DC.  He refused to accept his limitations, even though the limitations were very real, and independent travel for him was truly no longer possible.

I am not someone who chooses to lie in fantasy.  I'm the one who wants to know from the doctor, how long do I have?  I'd rather struggle with the truth, even though I don't like it, than live in my own dream world.

But at what point is it healthy to give up one's dreams?  When do we face the facts, and realize the chance is gone?  I will never win an olympic gold metal.  I'll never be the rock star I had once wanted to be.  But what about more subtle things?  Will I ever conquer my shyness?  Should I give up on that goal, and accept myself as I am, or should I continue to try to change myself into the person I wish I was?  We all are familiar with the other extreme - limiting ourselves by our negative beliefs, when the truth is that we are far more capable than we believe.  But sometimes we truly are not capable, and there is a lot of gray area in between.

The grieving process is now a well-understood and well-documented process, necessary to handle in a healthy way any major loss in our lives.  When the loss is a perceived loss of capability, and we cannot really know for sure that we are truly incapable, we can get stuck either in a perpetual striving after something that never comes, or a continual grieving combined with the suspicion that if we had only tried harder, or if we only try harder now, things would change.  This limbo land between letting go of one's dreams and choosing to continue to believe despite all evidence can be hell.  Who wants to live with the torture that if they had only tried harder, they could have had their dream?  And who wants to spend their life pursuing something that is never going to come?  When progress is not happening, how does one cut their losses when it is not clear that they have lost yet?

I have a tendency, inherited strongly from my parents, of living a victim story - I don't have what I need because of X - abuse, lack of love as a child, lack of natural ability today, etc.  I fight this tendency all the time, seeking to believe more in myself, seeking to take risk, to learn how to move forward, to grab onto life with gusto.  But how long do I live with lack of success before I finally give in?  And how can I ever know that giving in is really the right thing to do, when there is no proof that I am truly incapable?