Recently I received an advertisement for an evening workshop, and among the many things promised was "unconditional love". Now, I know what they are talking about - I have done many workshops, and came away feeling like these people were my deepest friends, and the love and sincerity was deeply moving. The closeness that can occur from a well-run workshop is truly amazing. And as we all crave unconditional love, the evening sounded very tempting.
However, ultimately, I believe this is just a quick fix for our true need. I've realized over the past few years that "unconditional love" does not happen in an evening or over a weekend, but rather over years and years of being together and sharing lives. The wonderful highs we receive during a weekend workshop are great, but that is all they are - a high. It is possible that we meet someone at a workshop and start a wonderful long-term relationship that involves unconditional love, but that is an exception, not the rule.
I can no longer accept the phrase "unconditional love" for anything so short-term. Nostalgic memories of an experience together do not count. To have an intimate relationship with anyone requires, in my mind, spending significant and regular time together, involved in topics and activities that deeply matter to both people. Meeting a loving person at a party or workshop is just a teaser, and in my experience has rarely led to something that actually satisfies my deep longings for connection and intimacy. I'm not speaking here of physical intimacy, but rather intimacy of the soul, when two hearts have gotten to know each other so much that a sense of deep connection develops, and you are part of each others' lives. And how can you be part of someone's life without spending significant one-on-one time with them?
Today, this is the crux of friendship to me - spending significant one-on-one time with someone. Without that, I will never know if I am truly valued.
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