A Formula for Dysaction

Thinking this morning about my fear of closeness, a fear of being trapped in a relationship, of losing my ability to determine my own life and path. I see two steps to getting out of dysaction [any action contrary to intent] - full awareness of the false desire or belief [a desire or belief which, when examined more closely, turns out not to be what you truly desire or believe], and then true awareness of the true desire or belief - that is, who you really are underneath the dysaction.

Awareness of the false desire or belief involves awareness with the whole being - mind, body, and soul - it means fully feeling, even reveling in, the belief or desire, of feeling the core delight behind the desire, of letting your body express it (RC's concept of discharge). Critical to this step is letting go of shame. If you are ashamed, you are not paying attention. Just as in mindfulness meditation we learn to let go of judgment and just observe what is, so when we have a negative desire or belief, we need to let go of the shame, which is a judgment, and simply be fully aware of the actual desire or belief, letting ourselves feel it without judgment. Often, we do this through simple venting - writing or talking out our anger, sadness, jealousy, in a safe environment, where there will be no judgment and no negative consequences.

The second step is to be fully aware of our true nature, our true desire, our true beliefs - i.e., what is real, as opposed to the illusion we have been in. Happiness only comes through fulfilling our true desires - or rather, a true desire is anything that brings true happiness over time. Ask what you really want, or what you really believe - what desire or belief will stand the test of time? What will you be glad of doing when you look back from your deathbed? To become fully aware and fully embracing of our true nature is to know who we really are.

The third step is automatic. When our desires and beliefs, both positive and negative, are fully out of the shadow and in the light of full awareness, the decision is automatic. There is no struggle. When all other factors have been considered, we will always choose to do what brings us true happiness. And this is the proof of the basic goodness of human nature - we will always choose the good when we fully know ourselves.