Laughter

There is a kind of laughter that comes only to those who have plumbed the depths of despair, who have done their grief work, and who have learned to live a new way. Looking back clear of the resentment and bitterness, sometimes one can see the absurdity in the creatures we are, and love ourselves in our absurdity.

That laughter can only be had when one is no longer holding on to the past, no longer saying, "It should have been otherwise". It is very different than the laughter of embarrassment when someone too easily exposes their pain, or the laughter that tells us our pain is silly and unworthy of being taken seriously. It is the laughter of the deep experience of knowing ourselves fully and loving ourselves despite what we know.

There is no rushing grief. If a person is still angry/bargaining/despairing, you will not convince them to "look on the bright side". The pain must out, or we will carry it forever. But once it is out, if it is fully out, then joy is once again truly possible.

Swearing off my murderous desire

I have decided to swear off my murderous desires

I no longer want to kill my ego

My ego is not my enemy, not something to be isolated, rejected, destroyed

My ego is a child playing in the sunshine, believing he is the center of the world

Spinning in the wild wind, while the universe spins around him

And what he sees and experiences seems to be all that exists

My ego is full of pride, of love for himself - and since when is self-love a bad thing? Is not he a miracle to be celebrated?

However, like any other child of mine, I need to keep an eye on my ego, making sure he doesn't run into the street or take a knife out of the kitchen drawer to play with

He does not know everything

And he can wreak havoc if I do not watch carefully

Yet I am glad to have him - he is a wonderful and permanent part of me that I can love, as well as care for and guide

So that he can find his place of comfort and belonging in my life

And we can live together in peace