Light and Shadow

Last night, in counseling a friend, she asked if she was guilty of making a bad situation happen because of some secret harbored resentment she might have. The inclination we have in counseling is to steer someone away from guilt, to assure them it is not their fault, to help them feel good about themselves. Instead, the influence of Pathwork caused me to tell her to honestly look to see if there was resentment there, and if it had influenced her in some way.

It is a delicate balance. Many of us, especially those of us who have been abused, have blamed ourselves and suffered under terrible guilt for years, and only by placing the blame where it belongs do we find liberation from the devistating self-abuse of shame. However, there is also a tremendous relief experienced when a person uncovers some negative motivation within them and can honestly admit to having it, acting upon it, and even enjoying it. It is the relief of no longer having to hide who we are.

The trick in acknowledging our negative qualities is this: we must understand that all humans have qualities of selfishness, ill intent, jealousy, fear, as well as qualities of compassion, altruism, delight in the good fortune of others. The negative qualities do not make us bad; they are not all we are. In fact, they are a very small portion of who we are.

When we do not acknowledge our faults, then we become victims of our own nature: "I couldn't help it" "Society/my parents/my gender made me this way." As a victim of a force we deem we can't control, we become exactly what we fear - a creature that is inherently flawed. By shunning responsibility for our actions, we cause the blame to fall on our nature instead. When we acknowledge and embrace the part we play in our own dysfunction, in the sabotage of our own lives, we both acknowledge that it was a choice, and therefore could be different, and acknowledge that we who dislike our own action are creatures who strive for something higher. Thus, fully acknowledging and embracing our shadows causes us to recognize that we are not what we are embracing. If we have a shadow, it is only because we are living in light.