Regret vs. Shame

Shame has to do with giving authority to other people's opinions, and believing we are bad because someone else has that opinion. However, there is another kind of shame that we experience when we violate our own values, and it is important to see the difference between the two. When we find we have acted contrary to our own values, rather than the opinions of others, we may feel shame for lack of integrity. However, the deeper feeling is regret.

Regret is the acknowledgment that we have acted contrary to our values. We may also have shame, fearing that we will be judged for having acted contrary to the values of others.

It is easy to not recognize our regret, and become distracted by shame instead, and then become defensive. If we do this, we lose the most important point - an awareness of our own values and how much we are in integrity with them. For it is in living consistent with our own values that ultimately brings satisfaction, not living consistent with the values of those around us.