Flying back from my annual trip to the Free Spirit Gathering on the East Coast, I had an insight. At one point, we were making a descent towards the airport, and I was going through my usual anxiety fantasy of spinning and crashing out of control. Suddenly, it came to me - when I stepped into that plane, I had effectively committed my entire life and well-being for the next three hours to this piece of machinery, and the people who controlled it. The moment we took off, my fate was completely and irrevocably determined, and there was absolutely nothing I could do now to change it. It was pretty silly now to tense up as if I could stop a crash from taking place. Whatever was going to happen was going to happen, and I had made an unconscious decision three hours before to let it happen, even if it meant a fiery crash.
My stomach eased up as I watched my fate play out, and we landed without incident. I thought to myself, if I had been fully conscious, I could have been aware that I was sealing my fate the moment I stepped onto that plane, and perhaps I wouldn't have suffered the anxiety of thinking I was still in control.
And then my mind went one step further. In a sense, our fate is sealed the moment we are born. True, there are many moments throughout life where I can make choices that have real consequences, but when I stepped onto this earth for the first time, I was going to have to live a human life with all of its glories and tragedies, for an unspecified period of time, whether I liked it or not. Most of my life has been without my choice or consent, and in that sense, my fate is sealed. It is absurd to pretend I'm in control beyond the small amount of life I can actually affect.
I can relax.
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