When I'm observant, I inevitably see things about myself that I don't like. I observed the other day that I'm very serious most of the time, instead of taking more time to have fun, being more care-free, etc. Today I noticed that I was grumpy in the lunch line at the slow people in front of me.
But something has changed for me over the past few months. Usually,when I notice one of these characteristics, it is accompanied by a familiar sinking feeling, a disappointment in myself, maybe a frustration that I haven't learned this lesson yet, or perhaps some shame. That hasn't been happening lately. I noticed my grumpiness, and immediately I knew that I didn't have to be that way. I wondered a bit about where it came from and why I was feeling it. But it was simply who I was at that moment, and it was okay. And, the moment I had awareness, instead of using it to humor an old fantasy about how bad I am, I used it to build a new fantasy of what it would be like to be cheerful instead of grumpy.
There is hope, after all!
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