Truly Letting Go

At some stages of our lives, we can only go so far into the darkness, because we do not have the resources to deal with everything we find there. We delve in, and deal with as much as we can, and come back out, or heal, or take a break, and integrate what we've learned. At some point we go back in again, a bit deeper, because ultimately each journey, while it hurts, also teaches us the truth about ourself, and I believe down deep most of us want the truth more than anything, and we are willing to suffer great pains (in sufficiently small doses) in order to find it.

Confronting our darkness usually leads to the necessity of letting go of something we cling to - insistences, dreams, fears, hopes, demands, wounds. The letting go is not easy, and we often fool ourselves by slapping on a new coat of paint.

When we only partially let go, whether it be a relationship, a dream, or a plan, there is a thread left, and the dying is not complete. When the resurrection comes, we will follow that thread back to our old ways - the same patterns, the same boxes, the same insistences we had before. When we can truly let go completely, there is the cold silent darkness of death. There is no road back, no chink of light, no anticipation. We let go, and fall into the abyss, and we are no more.

Only at that point can there be true creation. Only then can we rise from the dead a new creature, bathed in white, free to be truly here now. It is possible, after truly letting go of something, we may still return to the same job, the same relationship, the same house. But this time, it will be by free choice, and by intent, and not out of serving some age-old fear that lurks within. When you have faced death fully, there is no longer a place for fear, and you can live instead by love.

Death can be the ultimate terror, because nothing is promised you on the other side. To truly let go requires total faith that life is ultimately good.

Comment posted by Rich May
at 9/17/2006 10:29:00 AM
I really enjoyed your thoughts, Gene. This vividly shows how we deal with changing ourselves.

There are times when I know something has to change, really change. I often find myself using the same old methods, with perhaps a little more determination than the last time, hoping other people have softened up and will do things my way. I sometimes think leaving people alone for a while, then coming back, I will find they have changed. Perhaps time will have changed them.

It is then I remind myself that doing the same old things, the same old way, will yield the same old results. I know I must be the one to change, not others. Others are not trying to change. They don’t even see a reason to change.

On the other hand, I really don’t want to let go of my dreams. I only want to see them clearer. If they seem contradictory and impossible when I look at them through enlightened eyes, I want to delve deeper into what they truly mean to me. What is it I really want? These hopes are stories covering a deeper need. I want to see what is real and true.

It is very hard to let go. Perhaps dying is too much to ask. The string to the familiar always remains. Even when winter comes and everything seems to die, it all comes back from apparently nowhere in the spring. Maybe just planting something new and doing everything you can to make it grow will be enough.

Comment posted by Anonymous
at 9/17/2006 9:47:00 AM
Just think we could actually die many deaths. Each day we have stuff to let go off. Each day we can clean up and start fresh. We can walk gently on this earth, conscious of how all that is will be no more. We can play like a child with the wisdom from our experience.

It is strange how we keep ourselves from doing things for fear that we may die, and we dont even know what this death is other than not existing anymore and not being able to do the things we want.