The Ticking of the Clock

Visited my old friend again, the one who may be dying, the one who was a mentor to me. After a long drive and hopes of hearing deep words of wisdom from this man who was facing the end of his life, I found instead confusion and incoherent thoughts. Apparently his mind is going. Even more troubling was the display of his ego - thinking himself better than others, having judgments, anger at others, and a lack of compassion from someone I had come to expect to show me the way of love.

For some reason, I had expected this wise man to become more and more pure as he approached the end, seeing greater and greater truths, understanding life's mysteries in his final days. Instead, his human weaknesses come forth, from the failing of his body to the failing of his mind, and the wisdom it carried is less present than before.

Echart Tolle says we are not our mind. Many religions teach life after death or reincarnation. Yet when the mind is gone, what is left, but a shell of our former glory? There are only twisted dry leaves where there used to be a flower.

I am still time-bound in my view of life. I think everything must have a future purpose, and its presence in the current moment is not sufficient to justify its existence. I think I must accomplish something great in my life, as if being alive today is too trivial to count.

The clock ticks, and we become so accustomed to it that we only take note when it stops.

Comment posted by Gene
at 5/4/2006 8:00:00 PM
When I say that I think everything must have a future purpose, I don't mean that is what I believe - I mean that that is what I catch myself thinking sometimes. I discover that sometimes I act as if I believed that, when I actually don't. It's important to me to discover and stay aware of attitudes like this that tend to live underground instead of in the light of consciousness, so that I can choose my actions with awareness.

Comment posted by Anonymous
at 4/27/2006 9:55:00 AM
P.S. The "anonymous" comment that ends with "which I would do anyway" is from me, but I forgot to say my name at the end--Andy

Comment posted by Anonymous
at 4/27/2006 9:45:00 AM
I'm surprised to hear you say "I think everything must have a future purpose, and its presence in the current moment is not sufficient to justify its existence. I think I must accomplish something great in my life, as if being alive today is too trivial to count." Of course it's good to live our life taking into account the future, planning for the future, and to accomplish something great, but I would think a guy like you who brought us together for gatherings with discussions, massage, hugging, potluck, hot tub, and other activities, including just enjoying being together, would also believe in living in the moment, of savoring the joys of each present moment. After all, we are always in the present. Maybe I just didn't understand your comment that I quoted. As for an afterlife, I'm skeptical, believing that consciousness is a function of the living body, but to me it doesn't matter; all I can do about it is live this life the right way, which I would do anyway.