Being Loved As I Am

This past weekend I spent at a Beltane retreat that I go to each year, and I came away from it glowing. I realize that I have become part of the community there. I am known, recognized, appreciated, and respected for the individual I am as well as the workshops I do. So many people came to me with nothing but love to give, and I felt completely accepted and loved. It felt like home.

I have a deep need to remember times like this. I also feel a similar love in my own community which has grown up around the gatherings I have had in my home, as well as at Shalom Mountain and a few other places. These are bright spots in my life to warm me when the night grows cold.

Many who have known me at home have been with me through deep struggles with depression, childhood abuse, mood swings, and various relationship issues. I noted with surprise that at Beltane, almost no one knows of my dark times, yet I still feel accepted. I used to feel that someone had to know all my wounds before they would really know me - now I'm seeing that something other than my woundings is shining through, and people love me without knowing my history.

Maybe I no longer need all of my pain in order to go deep. Maybe, finally, I am beginning to let go of being a victim.