Okay, a simple "here's what I did" blog entry, instead of my usual philosophic wanderings. I went to Playa del Fuego last weekend - a smaller east coast version of Burning Man. I heard rumors that people got wasted a lot, and pictured avoiding piles of puke, and people unable to carry on a conversation, but I went anyway - mainly because nudity was allowed, and I love being able to walk around outside with nothing between me and the sky.
Luckily, the event was not what I feared, and I had a great time. There was a lot of alcohol and some marijuana, but people were generally very outgoing, connective, huggy, and not of the get wasted and make a fool of yourself variety. There was only one incident of inappropriate behavior I saw - many women got hit on by this one guy who asked them if he could play with their breasts, or other things - he was reported and quickly kicked out, which made me feel there were good boundaries at the camp.
It struck me a lot like a pagan festival, with some differences. There were no workshops (one person said, there was no pretending interest in going to workshops). There was a lot of creativity present - wonderful structures, artwork, inventive themes, music, that people obviously spent months preparing, just for this festival.
I was totally bummed when I first came in, because I did not see one person without clothes, not even topless, and really didn't want to be the only one at a new place I knew nothing about. My solution was to have Beth paint a pair of shorts on my naked body, so I might appear clothed unless someone actually looked closely - that was fun. But as the temperature climbed, many more joined my preferred dress style, and I was very comfortable.
There were some events, includng a very well-done stage event by "the zombies", including many pieces from various musicals, done quite well as solos or choir - they obviously put months of work into it. These were not just partyers - they were artists and free thinkers.
The group is really a bunch of pyromaniacs - everything had to do with fire. They would build elaborate huge pieces of art, then burn them while everyone stood around, watching and cheering. Sunday night was the big burn - a pony on top of a pile of lumber the size of a small house! It was very well done - the pony was made of something that lasted about 15 minutes in the intense heat, so that you periodically saw its black siloutte through the flames. The heat was so intense the crowd had to stand a huge distance away. There were fire marshals present, and they were both serious as well as very fun and into it. They danced and joked. After about 10 minutes into the burn, one of them said through a loud speaker, "The fire is now over. You all must return to your tents! Please evacuate the area at once! And those of you who were waiting for the pony ride, we have some bad news..." Everyone just laughed and kept enjoying the fire.
There were dozens of fire spinners, all different kinds, doing tricks I'd never seen before - fire on chains, on huge batons, on finger wands, spinning all arround their bodies, some of them naked. Very impressive. I think the most impressive was a guy on stilts with a huge baton lit on both ends. While he performed, he reached down and set his own stilts on fire! They were nicely designed to only burn a certain distance, but it was very impressive.
People did really crazy, fun things with their bodies, and I let myself go exhibitionistic, and had a blast. People were dancing on top of a bus, and I got up there and danced where the whole camp could see me. For the big burn in the evening, I got these glow necklaces and wrapped them around my balls - it got a lot of stares and laughs, and I loved it. I danced around the fire like that, and had a great time. Some people like to set fire to things; others like to whip each other, others like to spend their lives in monestaries - and I like to run around naked. I felt really free to have my little kink, and still be accepted by the group there. May we all always find a place where we can safely satisfy our curious desires.
Sunday I spent some time trying to connect with my group, and repair some of the damage from being a space cadet on Saturday and ignoring everyone - I felt like I succeeded in connecting with many of them. They are a group that has been together for years, and goes to many events, especially 4 Quarters Farm, where I haven't been for a long time. The leader especially liked me and welcomed me into their group, and hoped I would do more things with them. It felt good, although I don't know how may other events I want to fit into my schedule.
Saturday night I didn't sleep at all - noise and very bumpy ground, so I left late Sunday night after the big burn. It was SO good to sleep in a real bed after just one night of misery on the ground.
The camp belongs to the vietnam vets motorcycle club, so there were all these stereotypical guys in jeans jackets with sewn on emblems, and big motorcycles, on one side of the camp, kind of sitting there and staring at us. They were friendly, but didn't mix much. It was an odd sight.
That's it - my decadent weekend before I had to go back to programming for the government. They asked me how my weekend was, and I just said, "fine", and smiled.Luckily, the event was not what I feared, and I had a great time. There was a lot of alcohol and some marijuana, but people were generally very outgoing, connective, huggy, and not of the get wasted and make a fool of yourself variety. There was only one incident of inappropriate behavior I saw - many women got hit on by this one guy who asked them if he could play with their breasts, or other things - he was reported and quickly kicked out, which made me feel there were good boundaries at the camp.
It struck me a lot like a pagan festival, with some differences. There were no workshops (one person said, there was no pretending interest in going to workshops). There was a lot of creativity present - wonderful structures, artwork, inventive themes, music, that people obviously spent months preparing, just for this festival.
I was totally bummed when I first came in, because I did not see one person without clothes, not even topless, and really didn't want to be the only one at a new place I knew nothing about. My solution was to have Beth paint a pair of shorts on my naked body, so I might appear clothed unless someone actually looked closely - that was fun. But as the temperature climbed, many more joined my preferred dress style, and I was very comfortable.
There were some events, includng a very well-done stage event by "the zombies", including many pieces from various musicals, done quite well as solos or choir - they obviously put months of work into it. These were not just partyers - they were artists and free thinkers.
The group is really a bunch of pyromaniacs - everything had to do with fire. They would build elaborate huge pieces of art, then burn them while everyone stood around, watching and cheering. Sunday night was the big burn - a pony on top of a pile of lumber the size of a small house! It was very well done - the pony was made of something that lasted about 15 minutes in the intense heat, so that you periodically saw its black siloutte through the flames. The heat was so intense the crowd had to stand a huge distance away. There were fire marshals present, and they were both serious as well as very fun and into it. They danced and joked. After about 10 minutes into the burn, one of them said through a loud speaker, "The fire is now over. You all must return to your tents! Please evacuate the area at once! And those of you who were waiting for the pony ride, we have some bad news..." Everyone just laughed and kept enjoying the fire.
There were dozens of fire spinners, all different kinds, doing tricks I'd never seen before - fire on chains, on huge batons, on finger wands, spinning all arround their bodies, some of them naked. Very impressive. I think the most impressive was a guy on stilts with a huge baton lit on both ends. While he performed, he reached down and set his own stilts on fire! They were nicely designed to only burn a certain distance, but it was very impressive.
People did really crazy, fun things with their bodies, and I let myself go exhibitionistic, and had a blast. People were dancing on top of a bus, and I got up there and danced where the whole camp could see me. For the big burn in the evening, I got these glow necklaces and wrapped them around my balls - it got a lot of stares and laughs, and I loved it. I danced around the fire like that, and had a great time. Some people like to set fire to things; others like to whip each other, others like to spend their lives in monestaries - and I like to run around naked. I felt really free to have my little kink, and still be accepted by the group there. May we all always find a place where we can safely satisfy our curious desires.
Sunday I spent some time trying to connect with my group, and repair some of the damage from being a space cadet on Saturday and ignoring everyone - I felt like I succeeded in connecting with many of them. They are a group that has been together for years, and goes to many events, especially 4 Quarters Farm, where I haven't been for a long time. The leader especially liked me and welcomed me into their group, and hoped I would do more things with them. It felt good, although I don't know how may other events I want to fit into my schedule.
Saturday night I didn't sleep at all - noise and very bumpy ground, so I left late Sunday night after the big burn. It was SO good to sleep in a real bed after just one night of misery on the ground.
The camp belongs to the vietnam vets motorcycle club, so there were all these stereotypical guys in jeans jackets with sewn on emblems, and big motorcycles, on one side of the camp, kind of sitting there and staring at us. They were friendly, but didn't mix much. It was an odd sight.
Comment posted by Heidi
at 6/3/2006 5:18:00 AM
I’ve been pricked by some of the comments in this thread from my own female experience in getting hit on and getting seduced. David has a point in that it does depend on whether the sexual approach is coming from someone potentially desirable or repulsive and that usually comes from my own unconscious gut feeling. So, in a way, I think a person who makes advances is vulnerable to unexpected consequences if his motives are truly harmless. But how is the woman to know what the motives of a stranger may be?
When I worked the Renn Fest, we also had a system set up to collar potential molesters and, if needed, remove them from the festival and it happened every single day. The festival is deliberately full of sexual innuendos, open teasing and flirting everywhere, so drawing the line between safe and harmful is extremely important and an art in itself.
I agree with David that ideally there is no harm in asking for favors. But there should also, ideally, be no harm in saying no. Here’s where I get confused. If the guy asks and the woman is offended, then who becomes the victim and who is the perpetrator now? If the woman were not offended, neither would be at odds, whether the answer were yes or no. If the guy persists beyond the answer, then he has made himself into a victim by his own perpetrations. It can get pretty messy in any case.
And for us by-standers, we get to draw our own judgments of how we feel about the scene and how we imagine we would have behaved in the matter.
So I’m commenting from the sidelines also with some emotion because there were times when I would have liked a big brother to get me out of a situation and there were other times when I was really proud of myself handling a request from a scary flirt and ending up with a friend instead of an enemy.
David asked some pressing questions [who is it you are protecting? Is it working? Who is it that is being shamed? Is that working?]
I really don’t see shame in asking someone to correct their behavior if it frightens people - and if the person honestly had no intent of harm. And leadership roles can only offer directives. None of us have control over how another person chooses to respond .
At what point do I decide that a place is too dangerous for me for fear of harm? At what point do I fear to ask for what a I want because I might get excluded for my asking? Where do I fit in any given community?
Comment posted by Gene
at 5/31/2006 7:32:00 PM
David, there's a lot of energy in your response. I have merely reported what happened and expressed my approval. You are welcome, of course, to disagree with me, but your offense is not my doing.
There are social norms to be considered. While social norms are not necessarily moral edicts, a wise man will consider what effect his actions will have when he breaks them. Social norms are often relative. Your distinction between asking permission and entering a tent is your own - many would draw the line elsewhere, and in this case, obviously did. The man in question apparently misjudged the consequences of his actions, and subsequently paid the price. That is not a condemnation, merely observation.
Comment posted by David
at 5/31/2006 7:22:00 AM
Gene,
Your final question is the key. You ask what the line of responsibility is when person a upsets person b. Implied in the question is that person a is some how in charge of person b's upset. I believe person a can be responsible for what they say and do, but not the effects it has on others. So if person a is goofy, ugly, has a big nose, a scarey face, gets nervouse when he talks, he is responsible for all these things to the extent that he has some control, but it is not his responsibility that people make up that he is dangerous, weird, preverted or frightening.
Gene, I can imagine a nudist having judgements about your painted on shorts and another person feeling your nakedness itself violated their sense of safety or appropriateness. If you are responsible for their emotions and reactions, shouldn't you be thrown out of the event? If the standard is inappropriate or weird behavior, then the jury has no repsonsibility but to make stuff up and gang up on someone. For me, we're better off with a standard that has to do with a actual violation rather than perceived violation. Going into a tent or lifting a skirt without asking are actual violations. Asking for permission to do those things is the behavior we want. You once came to a party here dressed as a large cock. Most people enjoyed it. Some probably thought it was inappropriate or may have experienced it as a violation. Upon learning that someone finds it weird or threatening, should I have thrown you out?
If there is an awkward man who has trouble communicating about his sexuality and he goes to a hippie gathering and asks people for permission to touch them and gets in trouble for that and gets thrown out, what happens to his frustrration level. How will he get his needs met. By shaming him for asking rather than doing, do we not help create a predator who does not ask before he acts?
Gene, who is it you are protecting? Is it working? Who is it that is being shamed? Is that working?
Did these women get supported in being victims or empowered? Did they learn that boundaries are something external that others look after to protect them or did they learn to separate boundaries from their own judgements and express clearly what they did and did not want. Did this man get supported in honest expression or looped back into a cycle of shame?
What are your responsibilities as a leader?
If I ask you for a blow job, and you have me ridiculed by the group, I see punishing sanctions, but is that a clear boundary. What happened to the option or responsibility to say, "No."
Let's say you go to a meditation. Afterwards you ask a woman to go home with you. SHe finds it inappropriate, thinks you are weird, tells everyone that your were inappropiately hitting on her. When the medition group leader uninvites you to future events, would you have me celebrate the "groups boundaries"?
David
Comment posted by Gene
at 5/30/2006 9:33:00 PM
It did strike me a bit like a Rainbow Gathering, but not as drugy, and better organized. You can get info for the next one at http://playadelfuego.org .
Comment posted by Gene
at 5/30/2006 9:31:00 PM
Yes, there was more I didn't mention. The requests were done of women who were comlete strangers to him, approached in their tents or other places where they were alone. He also lifted skirts, commented on what kind of underwear women were wearing (or not), asked if he could watch someone while he jerked off, etc. I only witnessed one incident where he went under the skirt of someone, but I heard tales from several women of other adventures. He apparently upset several dozen women in a very short period of time. His behavior was definitely not within expected norms.
Perhaps the deeper question is, where is the line of responsibility drawn when person A upsets person B?
Comment posted by Anonymous
at 5/30/2006 9:25:00 PM
Gene, I've heard of "Burning Man", and now, thanks for telling us about "Playa Del Fuego" and your experience there. Please tell us about it ahead of time next year so we can go if we wish; is there a website? I used to go to the hippie-like Rainbow Gatherings, where nudity abounds. And I agree with dealing with inappropriate behavior appropriately. Andy
Comment posted by David
at 5/30/2006 8:49:00 PM
Gene,
I'm scratching my head over this one. Are you really saying you celebrate the fact that the organizers threw someone out for asking permission to touch breasts?
What is it you prefer? That he hide his desires? That he hide his sexuality? That he cosmically know who does or doesn't want their breasts touched?
Or should he assume that all women don't want their breasts touched? Or should he recognize he is unwanted and assume that no woman would want to have a lowlife like HIMself touch their breasts. Should he just give up on a sex life? Not all people have the great people skills that you do Gene. What would you have them do, when they are horny and don't know what the other person desires?
I'm quite riled up over this and yet, there must be more to the story. My soap box is making creaking noises as I jump up and down.
Please tell me there is some information missing in this report.
"There was only one incident of inappropriate behavior I saw - many women got hit on by this one guy who asked them if he could play with their breasts, or other things - he was reported and quickly kicked out, which made me feel there were good boundaries at the camp. "
No comments:
Post a Comment