I was leaving a parking lot today, being very careful as I backed out, looking both directions, checking several times to be sure someone behind me was not also backing out, moving slowly, calculating my distance. As someone who spends his days carefully making sure programs did what they were supposed to do, and did not go outside of their proscribed bounds, I was getting irritated with the necessity of always being cautious, and indulged in the fantasy of gunning it, smashing into the cars behind me, and taking off in a blur.
Of course, my civilized self won out, and I continued carefully down the asphalt path, staying within the white lines, only doing the procribed speed limit plus whatever else I thought I could get away with, but not more. Careful, careful, careful.
Every part of us needs expression. The carefree child inside of me, who used to be able to do almost anything and not get hurt, needs a place to come out periodically. Back then, adults made sure I was in a safe world where I would not hurt myself until I could develop my own restrictions and not be limited by their rules. But when the restrictions become the focus, my inner child either rebels or dies. My freedom, chaos, and lack of control need a safe place to be expressed.
So does my anger. Anger is not useful when talking to the boss or the policeman who stopped me for speeding. But if I never express my anger, either I lose life's vital passion, or some day I will explode.
It seems as adults, we learn a new way, a way that allows us to better achieve our goals and dreams - but the lower chakra energies of sexuality, creativity, passion, need, destructiveness, aggression are truly a part of us. Our fantasies, magical thinking, impossible desires are a part of us. Perhaps our dark side with its fearful powers, its desires to be malicious, uncaring, controlling, sadistic, also need a safe outlet.
Our primitive side is nothing to be ashamed of or try to kill off; rather, it is a vital part of our very being, part of what makes us alive, what gives us passion, what makes us the beautiful, complex creatures we are.
I think I'll go out and run naked through the woods, screaming.
Comment posted by Sandra
at 5/23/2006 11:57:00 AM
Freeheart - I have just revisited your page after a while away and I love your postings here. I felt compelled to comment on our "primitive selves." I have only recently (in the last few years) come to know, and accept, and embrace, and 'hold up to the light' my most primitive self. This self keeps me grounded, is sometimes dark, is sometimes not 'civil' or 'correct,' but is most always brutally truthful. Presently, I am in the process of trying to always honor that piece (even if it's not convenient!), and it's been (so far) a fascinating journey!! Just a comment!!!
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