We all have needs that must be met by other human beings, from needing someone else to grow our food, to needing the companionship of another human being. These are legitimate needs, and unless we choose to become a hermit and grow our own food, others will always be involved in meeting those needs.
Neediness means expecting someone else to figure out how to meet our needs. This places the responsibility on the other person to "do it right", and allows us the luxury of complaining or criticizing them for not helping us, not doing enough, or not doing the right thing.
Taking responsibility for our needs does not mean we do not ask anyone to help; it means we figure out how to meet our needs, then seek someone willing to do what we want. I can't go to a hardware store and ask them to build me a birdhouse; but I can learn how to build a birdhouse and go to the hardware store to get the supplies I need. This gives me freedom to choose how to meet my need - if the store doesn't have the right tools or supplies, I can go to another store until I find what I need, or find another way of building my birdhouse.
We need each other, but we do not need any one person, or any one thing from a particular person. That is our strategy, not the need itself. We cannot obligate anyone to help us, but we can get what we need based on the help and love already available to us.
One source of support is a community with whom we have built goodwill - i.e., we have connected to a community that loves and appreciates us, and we have given abundantly to those in need so that they are willing to do the same for us. Finding people who love us, and to whom we can give our love, is part of our responsibility as adults to provide support when we need it.
This morning I am thinking about how I discovered my desire and 'will' to figure out my floor problem yesterday. but I realize this desire was not available to me for weeks even though I intellectually knew I had the ability somewhere inside myself.
ReplyDeleteSometimes taking responsibility requires more support from various emotional levels, I think. And more often than not, I think we get that courage from another person directly or indirectly - I think we really need other people to help us through difficult challenges.
Does that make us needy?